Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
