My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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