Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
