Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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