So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
