Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize