I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
