i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
