i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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