i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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