I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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