My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
