Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
