i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
