Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
