She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
