If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
