This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
