Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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