Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
