I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
