By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
