is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
