RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
