this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
