even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
