genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
