I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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