shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
