I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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