At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i now understand why vodka
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
