Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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