This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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