he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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