I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
