i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize