I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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