i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
