You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
