I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
