"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Of course I have a pirate flag
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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