Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
