3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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