What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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