So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
