dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize