Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
