First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
