Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
