If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
