U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
