told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
