That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize