Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We need to rekindle our bromance
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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