It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize