She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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