Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize