I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
