Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
