we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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