Duck Duck Cougar?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
