i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
