you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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