Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
