it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
