I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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