I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
