im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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