hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
