batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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