i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
