HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
