her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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