My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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