How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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