At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
