Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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