Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
