Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize