Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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