It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
