did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
