angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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