yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
