He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We are all done wearing pants today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
