Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize