Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
