So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
