After last night, I could never be a politician.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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