the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
