dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
