The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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