just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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