Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm too high and old for this...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
