don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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