Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
