i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
