Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my poor anus
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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