he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize