I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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