you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
