just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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