slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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