i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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