im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
