i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
